With almost every guess or prediction for the previous additions to Smash Bros being as accurate as a chocolate sundial, I think it’s time for a little speculative humour. This isn’t the first time there have been some dream designs on the site for DLC, with lists for each new IP to BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle (check them out here, here and here), the first fighter pass for Smash (check that out here) and even the fighter pass for Mortal Kombat 11 (check out that one over here) Now we’ve already had plenty of fun playing as Min Min, smashing opponents and springing the arms franchise into the brawl, what’s next? Well I’m glad you asked, nobody was expecting these…
Gene Hunt – Life on Mars / Ashes to Ashes
After smashing villains and innocent people into the pavement, it’s time for a complete sidewinder and the strangest crossover project. Pinging onto the reveal trailer the BBC logo fades away to reveal the mean streets of Manchester circa 1973. Mario throwing a pint at Luigi for sleeping with Peach, Zelda smuggling rupees into the country in vases and with the rivalry between the gangs of the Three Houses escalating, it’s time for a gruff old copper to step up. Throwing punches, insults and armoring against smash attacks by using hip flasks, Gene smashes into Ultimate with a smell of cheap cigarettes and messy police work. His victory simply shows him wandering off to the pub.
Starkiller – Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Breaking out from Soulcalibur IV and his original titles, Starkiller ignores all rights holders, all legal custody of the character and ownership. Sakurai simply struts into Disney HQ, slams down a GameCube controller, “Starkiller” he exclaims. The deal is done. No Darth, No Yoda and no other character can fit the franchise better than the man nobody really wants to remember. Generic, every-man who exists simply to force throw his weight around, Starkiller uses the force to smash his way into the DLC.
The Fire Emblem series logo with a sword
Rather than including all 596 characters into Smash, it was time for a change. Taking a brave leap into the unknown, the team behind Ultimate built the character from the group up by rotating the logo (“Fire Emblem” in the series font) so the F stands as the feet and then added in a sword. Finally the ultimate Fire Emblem character is completed. The character will be banned from all tournaments as people incorrectly believe the logo to be overpowered and full of instant smash hits. The reality is that the logo has the same moveset as the other Fire Emblem sword characters and the community just wanted to be outraged about a new character.
Giorno Giovanna – JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind
Goku sits on a tractor, the farmlands surrounding untouched while he stares off into the distance, a cloud flies close, it’s the nimbus! It zips overhead and is that Mario standing on it? A letter floats down from the sky, it has the smash seal! Goku reaches to grab the letter but a gust of wind blows it away, Naruto catches the letter! The victory is short lived as a rubber hand zooms out of nowhere and snatches it, just as Luffy grins the entire trailer freezes and locks up, glitching wildly. It reverses all the way back to when Mario was handed the letter, Mario turns and standing there is Giorno with Golden Experience Requiem. He takes the letter and time splits apart. The trailer resonates so hard with the internet it becomes the lowest rated video on the internet for 5 days then mysteriously flips and becomes the most liked. The character never turns up in Smash but becomes DLC for Street Fighter 6.
Dan Hibiki – Street Fighter
Dan was never intended for Smash. He was mentioned as a joke during a presentation by Sakurai at the internal announcement that there would be additional DLC for Ultimate and everyone laughed, then the incident occurred. All of the previous data on the next up and coming DLC was lost and the team was left with an old backup CD which still included a Dan concept. Cobbled together from Ryu and Ken moves and asset parts, Dan will be released to a bewildered Smash audience and nobody is really sure how or why he got there. The updated taunt now has Dan look to the player, cheeky thumbs up and proclaim, “I’m the strongest! Just don’t tell Samus”
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