ELDERLYGOOSE EGSLUSIVE! DDR-M!

Here it is! You heard it here first! The unnecessary ElderlyGoose exclusive of the year that only occurs on the first of April! After deep diving through the patents licensed by major publishing companies I can now reveal exclusively the next stage in DRM software. DDR-M.

Infamous DRM
inFAMOUSly the first title to include DDR-M

Denuvo and various other always-on DRM additions are no longer necessary (not that they ever were) now companies have DDR-M! An open source system that doesn’t need to connect online or check the validity of the software at all! The proof that someone has purchased the software legitimately comes from the player. DDR-M makes sure they are worthy of the title by getting a passing grade for Christina Aguilera – Genie In A Bottle on easy using the provided controller included with any software encoded with DDR-M.

stay cool
Be sure to attach the velcro and don’t slip!

Want to play the latest Assassins Creed? Time to dig out that plastic mat, find an adapter and get your grove on! Does the mat sound like it would likely kill you? Never fear! Simply plug in the mini DDR controller and let your fingers fire off the beats into the sunset!

mini stay cool
Remember to always Stay Cool!

Don’t just take my word for it! Here’s some excerpts from recent industry meetings where I can egslusively let you know what the industry experts are saying about DDR-M right now!

I love DDR-M! I’m looking forward to adding some extra hours of dialogue in Death Stranding about its context in today’s society! – Hideo Kojima

I thought up DDR-M years ago but I called it Dance Dancing Molyneux and the music that played was actually a recording of my voice, reading design documents for the last 5 years – Peter Molyneux

Who are you? Get out of my house! – Tim Schafer

As you can see DDR-M is going to really shake up the industry! You’ll likley see games having the software patched in over the next few years with 3rd party alternate dongles that allow older mats to work. I’d heard a rumour that Stadia was set to be the trendsetter here as Xbox was with always on DRM and include this as a standard baked in but unfortunately the latency kept making it unusable.

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