Smash is just a few days away and although we’ve covered who needs Amiibo before (click here for that golden nugget) now is the perfect time to take a cold hard look at the most likely candidates for the fighter pass DLC and who we can expect to see after the games release. Sorry but Waluigi is never going to be more than an assist.
Let’s just all collectively agree that Silent Hill HD Collection never happened. There now, I think we’ll all feel better for that. The PC version of Silent Hill 2 is surprisingly moddable, so taking that working build and running it on the Switch makes sense. What better way to announce this than adding James to Smash! Equipped with his trusty radio and plank of 2 by 4, James will fit right in with other baseball bat using fighter character DLC for other recent fighting games. His stage of Toluca Lake will bring a calm and more surreal feel to matches and it’s foggy thick complexity will be a new challenge for all to fight upon.
With the announcement of James as the new fighter, Sakurai will blow everyone’s minds by announcing that with each new fighter and stage there will be balance updates as well as new assist trophy characters for all Fighter Pass owners and the first of these will be the Goose from Untitled Goose Game. Rushing around the stage and stealing whatever item another opposing player has. If anyone is playing as Mario, Wario or Luigi the goose simply dashes around and steals that player’s cap. He goes on to explain how assist trophies will work with the pass but a goose runs on stage into the camera and the broadcast is cut off leaving the praticality a mystery.
After 12 years of silence on the IP (yes it has been that long!) Koei Tecmo Games finally announce they are bringing Gitaroo Man Lives HD! to the Switch. This goes largely unnoticed by the games press and gamers in general until a Nintendo Direct starts out with Reggie in full Gitaroo Man cosplay. He steps onto screen, strums his guitar and simply shouts in the most wailing Zeplin like metal tone, “SMAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHSHHHHH” Gitaroo Man is suddenly thrust into the public eye, the game is given a boost and we see Koei Tecmo quickly patch the character into every instance of Warriors Orochi.
Nintendo know just the right amount to troll fans of a series and not push it too far. As the Nintendo Direct is coming to a close we get a black outline of a head not attached to a body and it wobbles up and down. The silhouette could easily be thought of as Rayman. We hear a chuckle and the screen explodes. DYNAMITE HEADDY BLOWS THE STAGE! After a few moments of gameplay footage showing the headster running around and throwing his head to explode at Daisy the screen cuts away. COMING SOON AS AN ASSIST TROPHY! Onlookers are surprised and can’t understand why traffic associated with Nintendo suddenly keeps spiking up and down during the reveal.
Did you know Millennium Interactive, U.S. Gold, EA, Play It Ltd, Ocean Software, Valcon Games & Codemasters have all published James Pond 2 Robocod at least once in the past? This fighter is quietly launched without a trailer or any fanfare just in-time for Christmas. His stage turns out to be a cliché winter wonderland of old Amiga powered nostalgia. Nintendo hopes that if they release the fighter quietly nobody will have to figure out who currently holds the licence and rights to the character and won’t receive a cease and desist notice.
Unfortunately we don’t get an echo fighter for Rabbid Peach but an entirely new assist trophy. She walks sassily onto the middle of the stage (from wherever the trophy is used) blasting whichever fighters are in her way and then strikes a pose. She takes a selfie and vanishes. The mobile flash also freezes all opponents and as an added bonus if you catch a fighter near it and pause the game at the right moment the camera switches to photo mode and you get a selfie that easily trumps the Oscars.
Sony admit that PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale was a failed experiment and after dealings with Microsoft to wrestle with the licence for Tomb Raider everyone agrees that the original iconic Playstation Lara Croft model should be in Smash. Clunky controls and all. Her stage is a pre-rendered level from the original Sega Saturn version of Tomb Raider with vectors and textures all over the place. She somehow rivals Bayonetta in tournaments despite having one button mapped to the ability to swan dive off the stage.
Thomas The Tank Engine
Months go by with no Smash news and suddenly we start getting bizarre rumors that a kids TV character is going to be in Smash. Wild theories fly everywhere, lists of people demanding Bucky O’hare or Skeletor should be added to Smash are appreciated and nodded at by industry veterans. Nobody is quite ready for the trailer that happens. We see the same build up to Smash as before, Splatoon characters playing until a fire appears, when she turns the flames appear reflected in her eye and then the Thomas theme plays. The gameplay footage shows Thomas being an assist trophy where he pops out, the music theme plays, the music distorts wildly as Thomas grows to fill the screen and then explodes. Ringo Star then narrates, “he was a really brave engine”
If you’ve not played Iconoclasts you’ve no excuse now it’s been added to PS Plus this month. I’ve had a review in the works for this since it’s launch day (seriously I need to finish it up) and it’s just fantastic. Having Robin in Smash fits perfectly as well. Her wrench spinning for easy combos and gun shooting for stunning opponents in a Samus/Cloud mix. Her stage being a mash-up of all the different biomes to allow all the other characters to be in the background. It would also be nice to end the fighter pass list with a character that isn’t just another sword user and would make the chance of an Amiibo much more likley.
The final assist trophy is BK (the raccoon from Donut County) It’s a nice and simple solution to add in a mischievous character: He flies in (being held up by a drone), taps on his tablet and a hole appears. If anyone or any items fall into the hole it gets bigger and the items simply drop through the level on the stage (and likely to their death) If he catches everyone the screen goes black and the message, “Have a Garbage Day!” appears.
Hey! Did you like what you read? Did you enjoy the fact there were no adverts for your adblocker to deal with? Maybe consider buying your old pal ElderlyGoose a Kofi? Just click the link here https://ko-fi.com/A0A18JTG and consider yourself sorted for one good deed done for the day!
I don’t run a Patreon because all the work I create ends up on the site in one way or another and I fund the site myself so any money does directly go to the site to fund the web hosting and such, anything left over will go on games and coffee!