It’s officially out there and so far all you know is that it’s a big area of land, a bit of sea and we’re all excited for a titlescreen. Thankfully my double agent who has been working at Bethesda for 18 years as a coder for the project has just sent me his report updates and now it’s been revealed to you all I can finally announce some details, hope you enjoy and please don’t get angry for the spoilers. Although lets be fair, you’ve come here to get the juicy info first before anywhere else so lets crack on!
There will be space horses
I realise this sounds insane and I thought my agent was trolling but when you think about it logically, space horses make total sense for TES6. By the time this game is out Starfield will be on its first batch of DLC content and what better way to tie the two than space horses? Once the special carrot has been crafted you can feed your stallion of choice and observe as they become one with the cosmos. Your fast travel will become so fast on horseback it becomes a trip into horperspace.
Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition will be featured heavily
This isn’t even a generic tie in with D&D, you can expect literal 5th edition ties to run deep through TES6. You’ll find books and lore explaining the rules and setups for DND5 are littered throughout TES6. Shelves will have various books and items from Wizards of the Coast all over the realm. Not to mention the fact you will need to roll a D20 for each attack now to see if it lands at all. Most bars in the realm will now feature “high fantasy” tables to allow your most customised character a deep meta fantasy RPG experience that clever AI will use to weave mystery and intrigue.
NPC dialogue will be written by twitter
Unfortunately due to all of the budget going into the engine and cake promotions, Bethesda couldn’t afford any writers. A kickstarter was tried but ultimately only raised £1.48 so they went back to the drawing board and asked the internet for help. That being said they have written an algorithm to pick up the best twitter has to offer so expect your favourite shop keep to be a little more racist and your town guards to be sharing details of their favourite cat memes.
The full title will be The Elder Scrolls 6 – Kingsbane
Given the popularity of the royal wedding in gaming circles, the plot and story for TES6 has been made integral to the marriage of Harry and Megan (Yes I had to google the names). Will Charles master his mage skills well enough to move out from his mothers Queenly shadow? Is this where Hearthstone is confirmed as canon to the Elder Scroll universe? It’s going to be super accurate and to that end Bethesda has hired Heat and Hello magazine. They’ve been brought in to assist in refining the nuances for the game and give it that truely authentic royal experience that they know you’ve been craving.
There will be a Battle Royale mode for the game called Skisms
Every game needs a battle royale mode otherwise how else is it going to compete with Fortnite? TES6 is no different but to boost sales of that sweet preorder cash Bethesda have announced that your order will get you early access to the special mode in TES6. Build your house and companions to new heights then when the dragon roars you have to find the estate agent with the most gold and sell for the highest profit margin. The most surprising aspect is they’ve successfully hired presenters Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer to provide in-game advice on which house has the best estate value.
The celebrity for the game will be Donald Trump
Typically a Bethesda celeb voice actor will be killed off or leave the game quickly to save on the voice acting costs, but in a surprise turn around Trump will refuse to leave. A like for like 3D model companion will follow you around during your adventure, strangely invincible to all basic attacks and getting himself stuck in trivial objects. He will constantly tell you how he’s, “making Elder Scrolls great again!” Not only lying but breaking immersion regularly. None of this was even planned, Bethesda received a demand from the President expecting him to be in the new game and everything else that followed was shouted to them via Twitter. A cautionary tale of never hiring Trump, for anything even if he wants you to. On a slightly more serious note ignore Space Force news and read up on what he’s doing to America especially in regards to the borders. That is far more imporant right now.
ElderlyGoose 