A new Star Wars PS4 is nice and all but it’s so by the numbers… well here’s some concepts that aren’t.
Splatoon2 – Switch
Obviously serious one this. The official bundle just had a different pro controller and brightly coloured joycons . What it needed was Nickelodeon level plastic squidgyness all over it. Both joy cons extended out in strange and impractical ways and the doc a pink, green mess of splatted ink. You ‘click’ the left joycon on for “your a kid now” and the right joycon for “your a squid now”.
Doom – Xbox one S
Fully embracing the red ring of death and the bombastic brilliance of doom. A remodel of the S to fit in a broken 360 shell, complete with significant 3 red rings around the power light. When it boots the system speakings a few insults in infernal and then just laughs at you (occasionally turning itself off instead).
Harvest Moon – ‘New’ 3Ds
The 3DS already had an accessory for an additional analogue nub, the ‘New’ 3Ds has a nipple, the ‘New’ 3Ds for Harvest Moon adds a trowel. Now you can shut the lid of your game, fold out the top and use your console in the garden as it was always intended. To promote shovel-ware. *Ps I love my ‘New’ 3Ds 😉
Kylo Ren – PS4
Show me again the power of the darkness! The true special edition Star Wars deserves. 101 red and yellow leds show the damage one unbalanced hissy fit from an entitled gamer with a lightsaber could cause on a games console. Press the any buttons and try to insert a disc, it should work until you lose where the PS4 screams in rage, destroys the disc and spits out the pieces and refuses to turn off.
PsVita – VITA!
Scraping the reverse touchscreen, changing the memory card slot to be standard microSD and removing whatever nonsensical reason the WiFi and 3G are so staggeringly slow on the system. That’s it. The vita is a bloody great system held back by Sony’s unwillingness to make more profit off of anti consumer practices. Oh and release them in the many colours the PSP was. That would be rad.